Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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