I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
