Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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