tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
