guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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