it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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