I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize