So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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