hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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