you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
