Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
