Who wears a wallet chain?!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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