it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
