it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
