i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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