i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
