I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
