I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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