My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
