in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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