Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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