discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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