Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
