Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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