Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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