In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
