I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
