do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
