u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
