Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You've changed since you got that strap on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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