i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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