I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
