Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
