I faked an abortion last night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
