mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a beard to bite.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
