sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
