That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
