Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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