dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
