He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
