Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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