NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
