so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
