and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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