Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
