Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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