I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
