I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
