There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
