Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
