I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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