You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
