New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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