so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
