absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
