I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
