We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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