Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
