I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's like iHOP with fire
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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