I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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