4 words: hood of his car
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
