I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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