You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
