lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
