I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
