I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize