Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
