Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I skipped work to stalk him.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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