I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
