I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
