Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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