Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
