just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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