I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My bed smells like the plague
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