My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how do flat chested girls get laid?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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