No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just gargled with NyQuil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
